Saavik Hellguard's Mistress
by T'Sura
Summary: Details of important events of Saavik's childhood and adult life with Spock and others.


Saavik hid in the large pile of rubble as the three older boys ran past her, shouting her name and cursing her. Her eyes followed them as they ran, waving their large sticks in the air and yelling challenges to the death with her.

If she had been in the light, the boys would have seen a scruffy looking girl who looked to be about 6 years old. She had dark curly hair that came down to her shoulders, but looked as though it had never seen a brush or comb. She was very thin, but strong from running away from the older boys, who often tormented her and stole what little food she could find. Her clothing was dirty and smeared with grime. Her face was dark and her eyes always watching, paranoid.

As the boys got farther and farther away and their hostile voices shouting death threats in their dialect of Romulan got softer and softer, Saavik came out of the pile of debris very slowly, cautiously and suspiciously.

'Finally they have decided to go find someone else' Saavik thought in Romulan. 'Or, it could be a fake out. There might be one standing just on top of the pile, waiting, watching for me to come out. What if he is watching me right now, waiting to pounce?'

She whirled around, taking out a dagger from a sheath which she carried in a small pack on her back. No movement was made as she surveyed her surroundings. Deciding her normal hiding place would be safer and better than this one, she ran all the way back to a crumbling city and crept stealthily into one of the buildings where she often snatched a few hours of sleep until someone accidentally stumbled in on her. Then a fight would ensue and she would win the right to the building and the loser would limp away, nursing cuts and bruises and sometimes gashes depending on how badly Saavik felt intruded upon.

Once back at the building, she checked to see if anything was out of place. Nothing was, which meant the boys would probably be headingher way.

As she was preparing to sleep, she heard a crack of a wooden board breaking. Quickly, she thrust herself into the shadows. From a small corner of the dark room she called home, Saavik saw the shape of a man just appear in golden light. He was tall and lean and was wearing odd clothing. Shiny shoes and black pants with a clean light blue shirt. Saavik looked down at her own dirt stained clothing and narrowed her eyes at the intruder. He was looking around; getting awfully close to her hiding place and the place she stored her food and bedding. Saavik began to feel shifty. She didn't like this man, whoever he was. He might be here to take her food. Perhaps he was one of the older boys? But where had he gotten the nice clothes? All the older boys ran around naked or with a very long shirt on. Surely this was not one of them. She watched him for a few minutes and noted his movements. He was not clumsy and his hearing was just as good as hers, if not better. She hardly dared breathe, lest he hear her and root her out of her hiding spot. She backed up a little further and continued to observe.

He took out a small device and flipped up the top of it. He spoke into the device.

"Captain, I am in the building, but I see no girl. You are positive that she came in here?" There was another voice that spoke and then he returned, "I see and hear no one. Therefore, logically, it is only I who occupies the building."

What was he doing, the fool? Didn't he know she was here? That she had a knife and he was close to where she kept all her precious things? That he would pay if he took even one step closer to them?

Saavik clenched her fists, tightened the grip on her dagger, and narrowed her eyes at him. She took a step forward and there was a sharp CRACK as she stepped on a loose floorboard. The strange man ran toward her place and jumped the board. Saavik ran out of her hiding place, brandishing the knife in the moonlight that showed through the ceiling of the old building.

"Na vrash hest tu!" she shouted (_I will kill you._)

But the man made no rushing moves, merely pulled out his littles speaking device and said into it "You have out coordinates. Beam us up."

Saavik felt all tingly. Then she saw where she was. On a Federation Starship. She ran off the platform she stood on and when she realized that they had closed the door to freedom, she let out an unearthy wail of anger, despair and mistrust.

DURING "MIND-MELD" WHILE COMOTOSE...  
Unnoticed by the "remembering" character's re-living of their past, in this "Flashback"; Dr. Tos stands and silently observes; like a fly on the wall...

Young Saavik scrambles around the Transporter Room like an animal trapped by a predator about to eat it. The calm (Spock) Vulcan man that snatched her away from the planet moves to comfort the distressed girl with eyes wide as saucers, cowering in a heap of fear.  
Spock: Very good; Transporter Technician. (walks toward young Saavik) It's alright, now; you are safe, here.  
Saavik (in Romulan): Stay BACK; I'll KILL you!  
Saavik reaches for her knife, but it's gone! She looks about for it, panicked  
Spock (now in Romulan): Your weapon was not transported with us; it is against regulations and... not logical to transport dangerous substances. she understands, but doesn't calm much and silently looks up at Spock with a questioning gaze and fear Spock: Here; take my hand, young one? she does, and Spock helps her up with a kind expression that conveys his intent, but no emotion We should take you to Sick Bay; the good doctor would logically be needed; to establish your health and inocculate you for known pathegens.  
They walk towards the doors that slide open with a hiss

Spock: Technician; will you inform the doctor that I am bringing a new... "guest", please?

The Technician doesn't understand Romulan, and looks puzzled  
Spock (in English): Forgive me; contact Sick Bay, and tell them I am coming... with a patient, understood?  
Technician (relieved): uh; yeah... I mean, AYE-aye, SIR!

Dr. Tos follows them and speaks as though someone could hear him  
Dr. Tos: Please, Saavik; you must remember more than this? "Show me" those things which are not common knowledge or officially documented in the records and your personnel files, please? ...

Saavik's mind was confused. She could feel someone else with her, but they were...not there with her. In a moment of insanity, she called out, "Spock!". She could feel the presence's sadness and pain. It was not Spock. Then, quickly, the presences emotions left and all that was there now was a feeling of discipline and calm. Bored with the presence now, her mind went back into her earliest memories.

She was in Sickbay with the man who had taken her away from the older boys and from Ruanek, the only boy who had protected her. But now, the strange man held her hand, but not so tightly that she felt the need to pull away. His hand was hot and it felt good compared to the nights she had spent in the building. She felt safer than she had on the planet, but she was still mistrusting. Who knew what lurked in this strange place? Perhaps in a nook, a man with one of those stun guns that took her favourite older boy away from her. Suddenly, she felt watched and she jerked away from the strange man and backed into a corner, after quickly scrutinizing it to make sure nothing hid there.

The strange man said to her in her language (Romulan, dialect of Hellguard), "I am Spock. There is nothing to fear here. You are safe." He kept repeating it, but she could not drive that feeling of fear away.

"No!" she shouted back to him in Romulan. "I kills you!" Again, she reached for her knife, and in finding that it was not there, wailed again.

"Give it back!" she shouted at him, rushing him and hitting him with her fists. He did not fight back though, rather merely tried to hold her and comfort her.

"I do not have your knife. It was confiscated by security. No unauthorized weapons are allowed aboard the Enterprise." He tried to hold her again, but Saavik pulled away. "Let us scan you. If you are in any way harmed, we can heal you. Sit here. I will guard you."

Saavik was still disgruntled from having her knife, her favourite possession, taken away from her. She was going to make it as difficult for him as possible until he gave it back. "No," she yelled at him, going back to the corner.

The strange man who's name was Spock, she recalled, turned to a different man who had some weird boxy device in his hand. He said something in his language which she could not understand. She listened anyway, figuring that perhaps he might start speaking her language.

"I do believe we will have to sedate her. She is upset about losing her knife. Perhaps after she is scanned, we should allow her to see the boy we beamed up two days ago as a sort of reward."

Saavik narrowed her eyes and scrutinized the other man. He looked older than (she tried to think of the strange man's name, but forgot)... whatever his name was...but he had a look of warmth to his eyes. He looked...safe.

Spock (she remembered his name) held a small thing that had some kind of liquid in it. Saavik had not had anything to drink in some time and she communicated this to him.

"I am thirsty. Drink that?" Saavik pointed to the thing in his hand, speaking in Romulan, but unaccustomed to speaking at all it came out somewhat halted.

Spock looked at it for a minute, said something to the safe looking man, and then explained to Saavik, "To drink this, you must put it on your neck like this." He put it near his neck, but it did not touch him.

She held out her hand and examined the thing when it was placed there. It did not look very dangerous. But it could be. She felt her confidence in the thing fade. However, eventually her thirst won over everything and she held it to her neck. It hissed, making her drop it in fear and run to the corner again. She felt no different, her thirst had not gone away. The two men had tricked her! She no longer felt safe and she was angry with Spock for it. The safe man looked worried, so she still trusted him a little, although he had given Spock the hissing thing. Suddenly, though, she felt very tired. She tried to fight it, but could not. After about 3 minutes, she slumped to the ground, sedated.

She felt free, but the feelings of mistrust and fear still lurked in her mind. She couldn't move; she was too tired. She was lying on a table, the safe man over her and everything went black.

The presence was still there, she could feel it watching her. Sensing its want, Saavik recalled a meeting with her favourite older boy, Ruanek when she awoke.

She was angry when she awoke, angry for being taken away from Ruanek, angry for the men tricking her, she was angry in general and she was tired. So tired, in fact, that she actually let Spock carry her to where they said they held a boy from her planet who spoke her language. Once she saw his face, she jumped out of Spock's arms and she practically tackled the boy, knocking him down in a fierce hug. She repeated his name over and over and over again, "Ruanek."

They spoke for a long time, about the strange place they were now, what Ruanek had put the strange men through, how they stunned him with some sort of rifle, Saavik's actions in Sickbay and below on their planet...etc. The men brought in food, which Ruanek gulped down instantly and Saavik did not touch. She said to Ruanek in their language, "I for one have not lost all my senses. How do you know that is not poisoned?" Ruanek looked slightlyguilty after that. However, he tried some of Saavik's soup to show her that she would not die if she ate it, so she ate some and let him have the rest.

After a few moments, Saavik seemed to come out of the memory. The presence, which now had a name of Tos, asked her silently to go on with her memories. She went past her memories of her talks with Ruanek, though she shared some of the important ones. The next part of her life was on Vulcan, living with Spock's parents as their charge. She recalled a first day of school.

Amanda Grayson looked down lovingly at Saavik, who glared up at her.

"It can't have been that terrible, Saavikkam. What happened?" Amanda prompted.

Saavik refused to answer the last question, only narrowing her eyes at it. "It was that terrible. I don't want to talk about it. I'm never going back. No one there speaks any of my languages. They only speak Vulcan. I can't speak it so well. The boys made fun of me."

Amanda thought about that one.

"You know, a certain Starfleet officer said that once." Amanda ran her fingers through Saavik's hair tenderly. Saavik looked up with interest and then tried to mask the emotion like she had learned in school that day.

"Who? I thought Spock was the only Vulcan in Starfleet!" Saavik wondered aloud.

"It was Spock who said that, Saavik. The boys at school often did mean things to him, too." Amanda sat down across from her at a wooden table inside the cool old house.

Saavik looked down at her school books, scattered on the table. "Look where it got him. Stuck on a starship with a crazy captain who likes to wear tight pants and it got you stuck with me."

Amanda laughed. "True, true. But it's what he loves." Her gaze became serious. "What do you love, Saavikkam?"

Saavik thought for a while. "Spock. You. Sarek. Ruanek. The stars."

After a few moments of thought, Saavik pulled out of that memory as well. She recalled leaving a tearful Amanda and a stern but loving Sarek for the Starfleet Academy. She wished to follow in Spock's footsteps. She thought about her life and recalled her first day of classes at Starfleet Academy.

Saavik walked up some stairs and unlocked a door, bringing with her a book bag with the IDIC symbol on it and two suitcases, full of new clothing and other necessities. She set down her book bag on one of the two beds in the room and began sorting her clothing into one of the two closets. She set pictures of Spock, Ruanek, and Amanda and Sarek on her desk and set up a chronometer. When she was finished, she sat on the bed, which she had covered with a blanket Amanda had given her. She thought about her first class, Astrophysics, and readied for it. She looked at the chronometer. Still 5 ½ hours until 1st Class, so she laid back and meditated and rested. As soon as she came out of her trance-like state, there were two knocks at the door. She stood, straightened her uniform and opened the door.

Her roommate stood there sheepishly. "They said we only get two keys, but I put mine in my suitcase, and accidentally left the other one at home." She glanced behind her at a bulging bag.

Saavik said nothing, but held the door for the girl as she brought in her things and began putting them away.

As the girl hung her clothing, she said, "My name is Saavik. May I use your name?"

The girl gave her a funny look and then said, "Uhh, yeah. My name is Susan Navarre. I'm from Africa. It's here on Earth," she noted Saavik's alien appearance.

Saavik nodded and sat on her bed again. "What class do you have first?" Susan paused and thought about it.

"Well, I think I have Molecular Biology, but I'd have to check the schedule. How about you?"

Saavik said with a hint of a bored tone in her voice, "I have Astrophysics. It looks interesting, but how can one be sure?"

Susan laughed, "You sound like a Vulcan, but your skin is a little darker than normal. Are you all Vulcan?"

Saavik's stomach tightened and she said carefully, "I am half Romulan." At this Susan's eyes widened.

"Romulan? And they let you in to SFA?" She looked incredulous. "You must have some powerful pheromones. How'd you scam that one?"

Saavik thought that she would have an easy time getting along with a human, but this one! "I did not 'scam' anything. I applied, they saw my scores, they saw who my parent is, and they allowed me access." She took her books and put them in her book bag. "If you will excuse me, I think I will make use of the school's library. I have read it rivals even that of the Vulcan Science Academy. Perhaps I will see you later." She gave Susan the ta'al. "Live long and prosper. Oh, I found an extra." Saavik tossed Susan another key. Susan smiled and waved good bye.

Later in the day, Saavik had a language class. When asked what languages they knew, some students said Spanish, some said French, some said Latin, others said Gibberish orPig Latin, and Susan said Swahili. When it was Saavik's turn to stand she said, "I have been taught to speak Standard, German, Greek, French, Vulcan, Klingon, three words of Tai, and I speak Vulcan and Romulan fluently." The teacher looked a little taken aback.

"Romulan? That's an interesting one. You know, I was told there was a half Romulan student in my third class. I guess that's you, huh?"

Saavik said tightly, "Yes. That is me."

Saavik felt a little angry when she was pulled out of the memory. The presence of Tos, who Saavik now recognized was a Vulcan male, was mildly interested, but she moved on though, wanting to leave SFA campus and recall some space time. She remembered her first ship, the Armstrong, her second ship, the Grissom, and then there was the Enterprise.

Saavik sat at the helm, Spock directly behind her. At seeing his face, something inside her jumped with joy and love, but also sadness.

They started their shift and it went without any serious trials, an asteroid that needed to be avoided, the docking of a shuttle, an internal scan. The bell sounded that ended their shift and Saavik and Spock (Spock! her mind cried out in pain) went into the turbolift.

"You did well today Saavikkam. Your maneuvering skills are getting better and better." Spock touched her face in the schooling meld they sometimes shared as teacher and student. She pulled away gently from his fingers as the lift doors opened again to let them out on the deck their quarters were located on. Saavik, going to the left, gave Spock the Vulcan ta'al and then they parted.

Saavik pulled out of the memory in a terrible sadness. Spock! Her life, her love, gone. Never to return but in memories. She could feel herself weeping, and Tos's presence alarmed. She felt his question; "Have I harmed you through the meld?"

Saavik shook her head no, hoping he realized that she answered him. She felt overwhelmed, wanting to go back; to see his wonderful face again and to hear his deep booming voice directed to her in his lovingly logical way. She plunged into another memory. It was the memory of their wedding.

Saavik stood on the ancient grounds of his family. She looked at him, his gentle face and the wave of sadness enveloped her again. He caressed her face sweetly and she gave him a slight smile. They went through the motions of the meld, the touching of fingers, the marriage rites, the tradition. Such overwhelming emotion came with this memory, for Spock had been in Pon Farr. It was imminent to quench the Fires; if not done so in one week, he would die.

She remembered their wedding night. It had beenhot on Vulcan that day, but not so unbearably so. She had fallen asleep in Spock's arms, feeling secure and safe. She remembered the tingly sensation his warm breath had played on her back and neck.

She pulled out, not wanting anyone to view that. And yes, she remembered his death. She had not watched him die the first time as Kirk had, before Genesis, but she had watched as they tortured him in his second and final death. She was extremely reluctant to go into this memory since it held at bay with it so many emotions. But she had no choice. The scene opened before her. It had been when they were stationed on a different ship, the _Telic_.

It was a rather mysterious planet and they both treaded lightly on the ground as they walked through a jungle like habitat. Spock motioned to her by putting his finger to his lips. "Shh." He blew moist warm air through his teeth, the signal for quiet. She nodded, but went alongside him, his arm around her waist, watching for her, guarding his love. She put one hand on her phaser; careful, alert, watching. She heard one twig snap, pulled Spock down with her into the bushes and fired her phaser at an approaching shape. She heard a strangled yelp and then a "thud". She and Spock both ran over to investigate.

A Klingon warrior laid on the ground, purple blood covering his hands. His eyes were blank and his body was going through the motions of death. She practically shuddered, but held it back at the last second. He looked wretched. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair a-wry, teeth dirty, decayed, and crooked. Spock turned away in reverence and Saavik did the same.

Their mission entailed getting back two crewmen who were station with them on the _Telic,_their ship, from the clutches of a ruthless Klingon renegade who had taken them hostage on this planet.

Spock tapped her shoulder and pointed ahead as they hid again behind a large boulder with several niches in it. Up ahead were several Klingon guards with disruptors. She said softly to Spock, "Spock-kam, how do you think we should solve this most difficult problem?"

He put his finger to her lips gently and said, "Quite logically. If there is one thing that a Klingon does not do before he slashes out it is think logically. They rush in, blood pounding as if in plak-tow and their heart lusting for death."

Saavik nodded, proud that she was the wife of this wonderful man who thought so logically. They crept ahead, throwing small rocks in the opposite direction of where they were coming. The Klingons ran off that way, cursing as they went, swearing on their honour that they would find the Federation fools who were daring to try to steal back their lost crewmembers.

Saavik crept along with Spock in the brush and not after long, they found their crew members, rather scantily guarded. They picked off each guard one by one until there were none left. The crewmembers were bound to two trees and gagged. Spock took one and Saavik took the other. Saavik was untying Ensign Silver when she heard a struggle for breath. She turned around and saw Spock lying on the ground, a whip around his throat. His breaths came in shuddery gasps. She immediately jumped on the Klingon, pulling the whip out of his hands and nerve-pinching him on the neck. However, when she had turned to render him unconscious, a big warrior had heard the commotion and he then jumped on her, pushing her to the ground hard. Spock had freed himself from the whip and was using it to trip the Klingons as they came at him, snapping it at their feet and knotting it about their ankle-boots. Three burly Klingons grabbed Spock and held him, commanding him to watch his wife's death. The fourth was holding Saavik. The two captured crew members, Ensign Silver, and Lieutenant Commander Mannschaft were firing their phasers left and right, stunning and sometimes killing the Klingons as they rushed the small away-team. Other crew members beamed in to help them fight.

One crew member summed it all up with the words, "What the hell is wrong with you? Can't you just let us go for God's sake? Damn! Is it really worth two men, fighting all like this?"

Saavik was hit over the head with a Klingon pain-stick. The electric shock coursed through her body, making her shake and scream for help from Spock. Then the instincts from Hellguard came into her and she butted her head into the Klingon's face behind her. She swiveled around and kicked him to the ground, finding his weak spot (which every man has...yes...) and using it to pummel him into submission.

"Never, EVER touch me again!" She snarled at him, poking him with the pain-stick she now wielded. She turned and hit one of Spock's holders' chest with the stick. For a second, the stick glowed red and the guard howled with pain and slumped with anguish.

"How did you ever pass your right of maturity, you filthy despicable, piece of..." Saavik swore at him, poking him 4 more times until he passed out. She hit all three other guards at least twice and she and Spock ran to the site designated for beam out. A clearing with grass that looked as tranquil as an early morning meadow on Earth. Some tranquil morning. Saavik leaned on Spock, letting three tears fall to his shirt, staining it with salt.

Spock, who put his arms around her, murmured, "Saavikkam, are you hurt?" Saavik, too frightened to answer, put her hand on his face and initiated a mind-meld while tapping her badge to beam out.

"My mind to your mind..."Saavik recited fearfully.

"...My thoughts to your thoughts..." Spock said calmly.

"parting and never parted, touching yet always touched" the both chorused together. They reached MELD.

FEAR! PAIN! SPOCK! LOGIC!

Saavik's mind burst forth with a wave of fear and emotion. Spock sent comfort through their marriage bond and slowly Saavik calmed in his arms, taking him in, taking comfort in his familiar scent, the way he looked, the way he felt, the way he was. Then, she was jerked out of the meld, and she heard Spock cry out. A terrible sound to her ears, she yelled for him, pulling away from the arms that held her back. She couldn't see, couldn't find him, blinded by the pain the sticks brought as they had touched her body. She searched for him in their bond, but felt nothing. Empty. He was gone. She heard his screams over and over and over and over in her head. She was sure she would die without him. He was part of her. It was like someone reached in and ripped out her spine, her mind was in such pain. SPOCK! Where was his katra? Lost? She felt something at the back of her mind. With joy she realized it was his katra! But his body? Where was it? Gone, electrocuted to the point of no return. She felt hands tugging at her, pulling her along and then, at some point, carrying her. No! Where was she going? She needed to find him! Saavik felt the sensation of being beamed up and then the hard feel of a stretcher underneath her.

Once in Sickbay on the Telic, she felt nothing. Blank, empty. She remembered lights and talking, whispering and the words, "Meld, jerked, no sight, screaming out his name and clawing at the Klingons." Then her head felt like it was splitting and everything went blank.

Saavik was pulled out of the memory suddenly this time. It was different though, than the other times. It felt like someone splashed her with ice water from Earth. She felt cold, his screams echoing in her ears. Her emotional side was winning the fight now. She wept harshly now, cursing death on the evil Klingons, wanting to kill them, wanting them to die. Why had they taken her Spock away? Why her? Why him? Her bondmate, her lover, her very essence. Her rescuer, her mentor. He was everything to her. Yes, his katra was with those of his family in the Halls of Katra-sa-Filan in Gol, Vulcan. But he was no longer here! Could not be reached, touched, loved.

She felt Tos, his awe, his sorrow, his logic, his essence in the meld. She didn't want him to see her this way; so emotional, so terrified and sad. She thought of her husband now, Liam Davis. Liam-kam would be there, waiting. She so desperately wanted him, but something held her back. She could not figure it out, but it promised to let her free soon. Soon. Soon she would see Liam and all would be alright.

How did you like it? Please review! This is my first fic,and I wrote itwith my fiancee. He wrote the part of Tos and I wrote Saavik/Spock.


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